Women in the Work Place

When asked why a woman was crying, the man replied: 

"She probably got her tit caught in a printer"

Say What?

"Screw the Expense! Buy the damn cat a goldfish, I need new gloves!"

The Crusty Scotsman Says

"People do funny things with pelicans"

Vagina On The Mind

"So apparently it's not vagina-al, it's vaga-nal."

Retirement

"I'm still waiting for a gold asteroid to crash in the backyard!"

Treasure Hunting

After recently purchasing a metal detector, a man was asked what kind of loot he'd collected so far. He answered enthusiastically with:

"I found a dime, 11 pennies, and a pink aluminum ring that says 'India'!"

Money well spent. 

Insult Fail

[Guy] "You ride the small bus!"
[Girl] "Sounds like you should be riding the short bus with me"